Wednesday, December 16, 2009

hello, blogworld.

Though I really should be working on gathering information for my in class history final tomorrow, i felt like this is a pretty important time in my life and should be somewhat documented. Tomorrow is the last day (as long as my grades keep up, knock on wood) that I'll have to step into a classroom. College, for me, and for now at the very least, is over tomorrow. Stereotypically a time for self-discovery and rejuvenation of your mind, I feel I've gained a lot through the past few years here in San Diego. Friendships have come and gone, time has flown by, and the average on my accounting finals have been somewhere in the 30% range. (Not mine personally, but for the class. I did a really good job of picking an obscenely difficult major). One thing is for sure, I've really grown into myself. Even in the past month so many things have changed about myself. Confidence, excitement for life, and the knowledge of what i deserve and will one day have have all increased exponentially. I love my friends here in San Diego, and absolutely plan on making visits here in the near future, but if there is one thing I am certain about right now, it's that I'm very much excited to move on and find a new town to find my place in. At the moment, Ojai is looking like it will be my home for a bit, which is going to take some adjusting to. I am very excited, however, to get reacquainted with some long lost (and some not to lost) friends. I'm about to be loosed upon the job market, and even though this is not the best time economically for me to be shot out into the real world, I'm going out there knowing that I can succeed. I also know I may not be getting the job I want right away, obviously , but I am only 22 years old, which leaves me with many many more to get where I want to be.

One thing I do know though, is that in just a few weeks I've gone from being incredibly scared and clinging desperately to an ideal of what i wanted to have, to realizing that i was unbelievably delusional about what I thought i was heading for. I am in no state to be attached to anything to the point where it would hinder my ability to further myself and my career right now, and things like to fall into place nicely the second i let go :-) Trusting to just let go and let things go as they may is a huge struggle, but the more I accept it, the happier I've been. Maybe in a few more weeks it won't even require a second breathing. (I can hope, can't i?)

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